


Inquisition Babysitting Service

by TheReviewess



Series: Heroics Run In The Family [19]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Babysitting, F/F, Magical Pregnancy, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Pre-Trespasser, Siblings, The Inquisitor Knows Nothing About Kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 08:04:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15553278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheReviewess/pseuds/TheReviewess
Summary: Somehow, Faenra Lavellan finds herself tasked with watching a baby while the poor child's parents get some well deserved shit eye. The thing is, Faenra knows nothing about watching babies. What makes the whole thing worse? It's her kid sister.





	Inquisition Babysitting Service

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm throwing this in my 'Heroics Runs In The Family' Series, but its not in the actual canon. This was just a prompt from r/dragonage that I took and ran with. I needed a distraction at work and this was a really funny thought.

You know, despite years and years of begging, Fae never expected it to happen. But here she was, holding a tiny, adorable, happily babbling, redheaded elfling. The elfling in question, her baby sister.   
  
"You know, when I asked for a sister, I didn't expect 'maybe someday' to be fifteen years later." Fae told her very exhausted mother.    
  
"Yeah, that ‘maybe someday’ was supposed to be never," Aerineyn Mahariel replied, clearly exhausted. Ever since finding a cure for the Calling, the Warden-Commander was always sleeping, so having a baby around probably interrupted her precious sleep schedule. Also the pregnancy looked rough from what Fae had observed. It really made her reconsider having kids, even if they were pretty cute.   
  
"Accidents happen?" Fae asked with a sheepish grin.    
  
"Yeah. Of the magical variety. You are still grounded, young lady," her mother grumbled. Being in her late thirties, Fae was rather impressed that she could still have kids. Of course, her mother didn’t really look that old to begin with but still.    
  
Only eight months old, Norielle, or Nori as they have been calling her, proved to be a handful. And also the result of a large magical accident caused by the Inquisitor herself. Her parents were not amused. To this day, Fae had no idea what happened. All she knew was that it involved far too much alcohol at the Mages Tower, and her parents trying to haul her off to bed, then boom, magical explosion and glowing moms.   
  
"So, why am I here?" Fae asked.   
  
"Because I want a nap, and you're eternally grounded, so you get to babysit," Aerinwyn Mahariel told her in her I-am-the-Warden-Commander-and-you-will-listen-to-me voice. It was rather intimidating.   
  
"But what about my meetings and Inquisitor things?" Fae protested. Most of her days were spent around the war table with her advisers, minus Leliana. 

After Nori was born, Leliana took a step back to embrace motherhood. It was terrifying how good she was at it. But she was also crabby from lack of sleep, so a very special guest was taking her place as Spymaster until she came back.   
  
"Tough luck."   
  
"You know I'm the Inquisitor, right?"   
  
"You know I am your mother, and I can still kick your ass, right? Now get." Mahariel ordered before flopping down on one of those fancy Orlesian beds in her room. "Bring her back when she get hungry. Should be in a few hours."   
  
"How do I know when that is?" Fae whined out. Maybe if she whined enough, she could get out of it. It has worked in the past.   
  
"If her nappy is clean, and she's crying, and you can't console her, she's probably hungry. She'll fuss a little before. You'll figure it out, kid. When I was your age, I had a whiny, demanding seven year old to take care of on top of my duties as lead hunter."  

“Yeah, well I didn't make terrible life choices as a teenager,” Faenra grumbled out.

“Faenra.” Aerinwyn stated in a warning tone, making shivers travel down the Inquisitor's spine. This was a warning, and Fae knew damn well to stop while she was ahead.

“I'm going!” The Inquisitor said quickly, recognizing that her mother was not to be trifled with right now. Besides, she was still in trouble for  _ becoming  _ the Inquisitor, and now accidentally getting her parents to have a kid, she wasn't about to make matters worse.   
  
As Fae headed out with a small bag of supplies and her little sister, she saw Leliana, wearing street clothes, walking up the steps to the bedroom. Sleep deprivation was written all over her face, but only to those who knew her. Fae gave her a wide berth and watched as her Shema collapse into the same bed with her Ma. Both were asleep in an instant.   
  
Determined to give her parents a little sleep, Fae figured watching her sister for a bit wouldn't be that hard...   
  
Or so she thought… Only later would Faenra realize that Aerinwyn Mahariel gave very shitty advice at times.   
  
"So why is there a baby here?" Cullen asked for the upteenth time.   
  
"Babysitting," Far explained, sitting in her seat with Nori on her lap. Apparently Nori liked to see what was happening, and she also like the sensation of bouncing, so if the Inquisitor wasn't standing and bouncing with the baby, she was sitting and bouncing her on her knees.   
  
"Well you are doing a lovely deed," Josephine told her with a smile, "Leliana is exhausted."   
  
"She doesn't look different to me," Cullen said.   
  
"I have not seen our little Nightingale this tired since a few days after the Blight was over," their new Spymaster, Zevran said. "She was seated at the Warden's side waiting for her to wake up. I don't think she slept... I don't think many of us slept actually."   
  
"Um... Ok, so what was the news from the Ferelden Wardens?" Faenra asked, not really wanting to hear how her mother almost died. Or any other instances of her mothers not sleeping. She had enough of those stories from her Uncle Zev to last a lifetime.   
  
"Warden Howe of the Vigil wanted to pass on that the cure for the Calling has been delivered to almost every Warden there. So far there are no adverse effects, but they are still proceeding with caution per Warden-Commander Mahariel's orders. Those that have been Wardens longer have noticed stronger side effects that Warden Commander Mahariel warned them about." Josephine told the Inquisitor with a smile. It was good to see everything progressing well with the Wardens despite the side effects. "Warden Sigrun has reported the same success at Soldier's Peak. They predict that their Wardens will be free by the end of the year and a new joining process can begin."   
  
"And the Orlesian Wardens?" Fae asked, curious to hear how the Orlesians were faring, given their new leader. Warden-Commander Mahariel had taken command of both the Ferelden and Orlesian Wardens for now, but the plan was for her to hand off command in Orlais to a Warden of her choosing. So she was presently testing one of her people for the role.    
  
"Warden Velanna has reported almost the same findings, and have finished their cures ahead of schedule. They have actually begin preparing a new Warden class and are awaiting the Warden-Commander's presence to begin The Joining."   
  
Fae smiled, she remembered when her mother suggested Velanna as her liaison to Orlais, and the outrage that came from Court. The Empress seemed amused at the Warden-Commander's reasoning, though. After all, you always seem to need an elf to save the day. The Inquisitor and her mother were living proof of that.   
  
Before Fae could say anything, Nori started to get fussy.   
  
"Uh, guys?"   
  
"Try jumping again?" Cullen suggested.   
  
"I would not suggest that," Zevran said quickly. He had been keeping an eye on the small baby. "She may have a dirty nappy."   
  
"How do I check that?" Fae asked.    
  
All eyes turned to Josephine. "How would I know that?"   
  
"You have younger siblings!" Fae said quickly.   
  
"And you're a woman?" Cullen asked out. He quickly realized that was not the right choice of words.   
  
"Cullen, I have spent my whole life studying to take over my family estate. There was no time to learn about child rearing." Josephine said to him in a dark tone. It was honestly a little terrifying. "And my siblings had nannies, so I am afraid I am of no use to you all."   
  
"Well what do I do?!" Fae asked in a panicked voice as the baby’s cries intensified.

“Well usually you can smell it,” Zevran told her.

“I'm not sniffing my baby sister’s butt,” Fae stated very firmly. “That's just weird. I'm not a dog…” And then she got an idea. “Dogs! Where is Fen’Falon?”

“Probably sleeping,” Cullen suggested. After all, the Mabari was Aerin's shadow. And he was apparently a very good nursedog.

“Damn.” She muttered. Faenra held the child away from her for a moment, not wanting anything to get literal shit on her clothes. Josephine would be displeased that she ruined another pair of clothes.

As Nori’s cried grew louder, Zevran strolled over and scooped the baby right out of the Inquisitor's arms. “Watch and learn, everyone. This is something you all should know,” he told the group as he gently set the baby on the war table.

“Not the war table!” Cullen groaned. One look from the others silenced him. “Sorry.”

Zevran worked quickly and efficiently, explaining how to properly change a baby, and how to apply a new nappy. Once Nori was settled, her tears subsided and she was a happy baby once again.

“How did you do that, Uncle Zev?” Far asked, clearly impressed at her uncle’s hidden skills.

“I am a man of many talents,” Zevran explained, now bouncing with a happy baby. “Also as a child of a whore, we often had to take care of each other. So, I know many things.”

“Oh.” The three said, not quite knowing how to take that. 

“Now, shall we get back to this meeting?”

The war meeting proceeded easily after that. Zevran kept a hold of Nori for the rest of the meeting, clearly making a move for the title of Favorite Uncle (and he was wininng, by a longshot). Once over, Fae followed the Antivan elf out of the room, giggling slightly at all the silly voiced he was making to amuse her sister.

“Well that was fun,” Zevran told her before handing Norielle back. “I have work to attend to, and a certain redheaded Spymaster to keep from working.”

“I saw her go to bed before the meeting,” Fae told him.

“Yes, and we have been meeting for some time. Do you honestly expect her to leave work undone?” Zevran asked her.

Fae sighed, he made a valid point. Both of her moms were the type of people to over work themselves. It’s a wonder they ever slept.

“Well, uh, I guess I’ll head out for a walk. I’m sure everyone would like to see Nori anyway.” Fae decided.

She bid her favorite uncle farewell, and wandered outside in the direction of the tavern. As she drew near, she noticed the Bull’s Chargers training with Cassandra, and Sera sitting in the window of the tavern with her bow.

“Throw!” She hollered and Krem tossed an apple up in the air. Sera shot it with ease, pinning it between the stones of the hold wall.

“You all seem to be having fun,” Fae said as she drew nearer with the babbling baby. 

“Hey look! It’s mom-quisitor!” Sera said from her spot by the window. 

“More like Inqui-sister,” Fae told them settling on the ground with the baby in her lap, only to get right back up because Nori was not happy to be still. “And designated babysitter for the time being.”

“They made  _ you _ watch her?” Cassandra asked, now coming over to her with the rest of the Chargers. Sara jumped out the window and followed, not wanting to be left out of the conversation. “Why?”

“Apparently I’m grounded for all of eternity, and still in trouble for the whole Conclave thing, so I get to babysit,” Fae explained, jumping around with her sister.

“But you’re not in trouble for the whole blowie uppie magickie baby?” Sera asked her.

“Oh I am too, and for about three other things, but we haven’t hit the start time for those punishments so I have to wait.” Fae explained. 

“Isn’t grounding you for all eternity a little harsh for the Conclave?” Bull asked.

“My mom is still in trouble for killing the Archdemon and leaving Leliana behind, so no.”

“Sister Nightingale has you both whipped!” Sera cackled and then making a whipping sound when she was finished.

Well that put an unpleasant thought in the Inquisitor’s mind. She really did not need to think that. Really.

After realizing what Sera said, coupled with the poor Inquisitor's sourface, the small groups started laughing. The Iron Bull’s belly laughing could be heard loudest, followed by Sera’s cackles. Cassandra looked incredibly uncomfortable, almost like she had witnessed a scene very much to what Sera had been joking about, and Krem pointed it out, making the Seeker flush profusely and the laughter even louder. 

“You all are disgusting! Those are my mothers! Ugh!” Fae groaned.

Nori didn’t seem to care about the terribly dirty conversation, though she was also a baby and didn’t understand it. But there were people laughing, and so she was laughing with them too. Her happy squeals joined the laughter.

“She’s got a good pair of lungs on her,” Bull said with a smile. “She will make for a great warrior.”

“My mothers are archers, Bull. And she’s an elf. I’m pretty sure she’s going to use a bow… Unless she comes into any magic, which also wouldn’t surprise me.” Fae said to him. “She’ll probably use a bow even if she has magic.”

“Just because she’s elfy, doesn’t mean she is going to use a bow!” Sera protested, “Give her the freedom to choose her own weapon! Go against the stereotypes or whatever, yeah!”

“Sera. You use a bow.” Cassandra pointed out.

“Yeah, and?”

“You’re an elf.”

“And?”

Cassandra sighed, “nevermind.”

“Well, we won’t know what she will choose until she’s much older.” Fae said quickly, trying to end the conversation before it got weirder. Again. She didn’t know how it could get any weirder as conversation with Sere was just weird in general, but still. “It’s not like we’re going to lay out weapons and see which one she gravitates toward.”

And that was how it got weird. This was how the Bull’s Chargers, Cassandra, Sera, and Varric (for some reason), were gathered on the bottom floor of the tavern with various weapons strewn across the ground and young Norielle in between them. 

“Are we really doing this?” Cassandra asked.

“Come on, Seeker, this could prove to be interesting,” Varric said, already taking notes of this for his next book. He was trying his hand at writing the comedic things that happened in the Inquisition, with poor Faenra being the butt of most of his jokes. He briefly considered making a few jokes about the Hero of Ferelden herself, but honestly, she was about as terrifying as their Spymaster, who was also off limits in his mind.

“So what do I do? Just set her down?” Fae asked, looking over to Bull. This was his ridiculous idea after all.

“Yup, and we’ll see which one she crawls to. Once she’s selected it, then we know her future weapon!” Bull explained, like this made complete sense. The Chargers nodded like they completely understood what was happening, and Sera, but Fae and Cassandra had their doubts.

“Why isn’t there a staff and- Varric, why did you put Bianca in the mix?” Fae asked, shocked that he would let a baby near his, well, baby.

“Had to know if the kid had style, Inquisitor. And we don’t know if she’s going to have magic, so we can’t throw a staff into the mix.” Fae honestly didn’t know what she expected at this point.

Sighing, the Inquisitor put her sister down between the selection of weapons, and wandered off, but not before putting her own staff into the mix, just because she could. Fae settled herself off to the side of the bar so she could order herself a drink. Who knew watching a baby could be so hard. Now she saw why her parents wanted a nap.

At first the tiny elfling sat on the floor, eyeing all the weapons with some sort of curiosity. They ranged from, well, Bianca, to Bull’s massive weapon that was barely smaller than the Warden-Commander herself (they measured). All manner of dagger, sword, and anything with a sharp edge was placed down, and the whole tavern was eagerly awaiting Nori’s choice with baited breath. 

After a moment, Nori got a look in her eye, and began to crawl. She veered off to the left heading right toward Bull’s massive weapon.

“Aha! A true warrior!” Bull cheered.

But as soon as the words left his mouth, Nori sat back down, looked at the weapon, and turned away. Clearly she was intimidated by the size. Silently, Fae agreed. The size was rather intimidating… and at that moment she was happy Sera couldn’t read her mind and make suggestive comments. 

Nori crawled all over the floor, stopping close to Bianca (“Hah! Told you she had style!”) but eventually turning away. She gave Cassandra’s sword and shield a look for a moment, making the Seeker light up a little, but inevitably crawled away. Young Norielle crawled all over the floor, until there were no weapons left for her to inspect, and then started to cry. It was subtle at first, but soon erupted into full on wailing.

“What the?” Fae asked, looking up from a drink she had ordered. She rushed over to the small group, hoping that her baby sister was not injured in any way shape or form. She was greeted by the sight of a sobbing Nori, who was clearly distressed by something.

“What's wrong, Nori?” Fae asked, hanging her drink off to Sera. “Don't drink it.”

The second Nori heard Faenra's voice, she turned to her sister and lit up. The baby speedily crawled to Fae’s feet, throwing her hands up, as if she wanted to be picked up. Smiling, Fae scooped he baby up, cradling her closer.

“Well, I guess that settles it,” Varric declared for the group. “She's a lover, not a fighter.”

The comment made everyone laugh and they went to pick up their weapons. Bull was a little disappointed that he wouldn't be able to train a tiny elf to wield a massive two handed weapon, but he couldn't deny that she was a cutie. 

“She still has more style than the Inquisitor,” Varric decided as he picked up Bianca.

“Well she didn't give that staff a second look.” Sera pointed out. 

“Perhaps she will be a scholar,” Cassandra suggested.

“Sounds boring,” Sera decided. “Why do that when she could do something not boring?”

“Maybe she will have a different opinions on what is boring and what is not. But I would not be surprised if she at least knew how to use a bow.” Cassandra said, “after all, she is the child of the two best archers in Thedas.”

“Excuse me, but I do not have a baby,” Sera said quickly.

“I was talking about the Warden-Commander and Leliana,” Cassandra deadpanned.

“Yeah I'm pretty sure I'm way better.”

“Didn't they beat you in an Archer competition?” Fae asked Sera with a grin.

“After I had been drinking, it didn't count!” The blonde elf protested as they walked out and back to the area behind the tavern. Krem was standing by the apples waiting for Sera to ready herself.

“I’m pretty sure they were both drunk off their asses,” Fae said with a smile. She remembered how Sera challenged them and had lost terribly to Aerinwyn. The Warden could hardly stand up, let alone shoot a bow, and yet she bested both Leliana and Sera without any real effort. It was honestly a little terrifying how good she was.

“I could take them,” Sera decided. “Throw!”

Krem, being the sneaky little shit he was, threw not one, but two apples up in the air. But before Sera could fire her arrow, two arrows came flying from a completely different direction, pinning themselves in the stone wall.

“You sure about that?” Fae asked with a grin. 

The three of them turned to the balcony of the Keep, where a small redheaded elf and a redheaded human stood with the arms crossed. If the group had been closer, they would have noticed the matching smirks on their faces.

“It’s like they can hear me or something!” Sera declared.

“Well, you aren’t exactly quiet,” Cassandra mumbled.

“You do realize our ears aren’t for show, right?” Fae asked Sera. 

“Shut it, you. Go play with your baby or whatever.”

Ah right, now she had the tell her parents what happened today. At this moment, Faenra didn’t know what was scarier, facing her parents after being entrusted with a baby for the first time, or facing Corypheus the final time. As Fae drew closer to the Keep, and closer to the watchful eyes of her mothers, she realized that her parents were infinitely more terrifying. 

“So how was your nap?” Fae asked, walking into her mom’s bedroom. After the whole Corypheus thing and her mom returning to Thedas and Skyhold, Fae surrendered her bedroom to her parents. Partially out of respect for her mother, but also because it made life easier to sneak out to a certain person’s room during the night. What? She was the daughter of Aerinwyn Mahariel, she had a sneaky and devious streak. 

“Why was my kid in a tavern?” Aerin asked, taking her happily babbling child back.

“Well you see, I am the Inquisitor, so sometimes after a long day I like to have a drink and-”

“I was talking about Nori, Faenra.” Aerinwyn said.

“Well, that’s a long story.” Fae replied with a sheepish grin. “Lets just say that Nori is a lover, not a fighter.” And come to think of it, she still had an unfinished drink back at the tavern.

“Something tells me that I really don’t want to know what happened.” Leliana decided, stealing her daughter away.

“Something tells me this was Bull’s idea,” Aerin said. “I swear if she even had one hair out of place, I can tell the Arishok to make him a Tal-Vashoth. I have connections and I’m not afraid to use them!”

“Aerin, dearest, you are being overdramatic.” Leliana informed her.

“No I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. And Nori is fine, in case you are wondering. Not a hair out of place. Fae took good care of her.”

“Oh.” Aerin replied. “Well good.”

“So does that mean I’m no longer in trouble for the Conclave?” Fae asked, trying to butter her parents up.

“Nice try,” Leliana said with a smile. “Don’t you remember that you’re-”

“Grounded for all eternity, I know,” Fae mumbled.

“You tried,” Aerin replied with a grin. “Thanks for watching her, though. I needed that nap.” Before anyone could say anything else, Nori began fussing again. “Any Nori needs fed.”

“I’m out. Bye.” Fae had seen enough of her mother half naked on accident, she didn’t need to see her mother half naked on purpose now. It didn’t matter that she was ‘feeding a baby’ or that ‘this is what breasts were made for, Fae, stop being a weird about it.’ She didn’t care, she was still weird about it. 

“Bye, Fae.” Leliana giggled, passing of Nori to the Warden.

“Thanks, munchkin!”

“I’m taller than you!” Fae hollered, shutting the door behind her.

She wandered down the steps and collapsed into her massive ornate throne.

“Thinking of having your own children someday, Inquisitor?” Josephine teased. 

“Never,” Faenra replied with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah this was just a bunch of silliness. In this canon the Chargers survived and the alliance with the Qunari also happened. Aerinwyn sent wardens to help out or something and they arrived just in time. But this isn't canon compliant at all and was written just for the lulz.


End file.
